It Really Is That Easy
Okay, this is where I am going to record bits about a little epiphany I had
about six weeks ago. If I seem a little nuts, it is because I am riding with it
a bit.
It started with a conscious decision to let go of any resentment I hold. For
anything. Nothing anyone did to me is so bad that I wish to hold on to the pain
for one second longer than the event actually lasted.
When I did that, it was like a forest fire all through my soul, but I mean that
in the way that a forest fire is often good for the long term health of the
forest, not as a destructive thing at all.
Since then I am realizing that things really aren't hard. I mean, really. Life
really is as easy as the gurus sometimes say.
Here's the catch. I can remember being told and told and told that I was free
to choose my reactions, my feelings, how I behaved and how I interacted with the
world. I could see intellectually that yeah, that would work. But...
It was always a "but".
"But Iive got a biochemical problem with depression!"
"But I'm just not that emotionally strong!"
"But Iive got so much going on in my life!"
"But things tend to be more intense for me!"
Thereis always a but.
I mentioned this idea to someone who seems so much like me in so many ways. I
knew there was going to be a "But...". There was. No, she's not weak, out of
control, undisciplined or anything like that. Or rather, you can be all those
things and it doesn't matter. I'm not any better, stronger or more together
than I was six weeks ago. I'm merely happier and more focused on doing what I
want to do and enjoying the process of life.
I feel like Fenchurch from
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
. Life
really is okay. It's not as hard as you think, and nobody has to get nailed to
anything. When I see people who are upset, I want to give them a noogie, laugh
with them and say, "No, It's okay. Really. You can let all that shit go and
take effective action on whatever you choose to. Really."
The problem with this is that you can be told exactly that over and over and
over again. I was. I listened to Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra... Oh hell, Iive
been reading Conversations with God . You name it, I was looking. All these
books and speakers are all saying the same thing, really. As did all the sages
from the past. These were ideas I'd been exposed to over and over and over
again from friends, family, and books. Intellectually, I could see the truth of
them. But, I suppose the truth is that I did not grok these ideas. There was
always a "But..." for me for a long time, so when someone else says it to me, I
wanna wrack my brains to try to find what the process was that actually flipped
the switching from intellectually understanding to grokking. I have yet to find
or be able to articulate the process, and I want to so badly. Thereis no need
for things to be this hard for people.
The truth of it is, of course, that no-one can save another from the outside.
You have to do it yourself. It just seems so serendipitous to me. It wasn't
like I was not looking or working. I was, as are most people who are going
through these intense struggles. But, at one point it just "clicked".
It just clicked...
Yes, it really is that easy. You don't need to struggle. You really don't.
Life really, really is okay.
Understand though, that six months ago... Reading this entry might have pissed
me off and made me want to punch through the computer screen. Certainly I would
have sworn and asked where the hell this ordinary Joe got off saying such a
thing or trying to set themselves up as a guru. I would have missed the point
that no guru is every really much help and that no-one saying what I am saying
has guruship in mind at all. It's all inside.
© 2003, Noël Figart Vinton